Smiles

I am not sure why today was rough...it just was.  I don't want to complain or focus on the negative, I truely understand how freaken lucky I am....but today was still rough.  I think it was mostly that the kids seemed to have lost their minds first thing in the morning and did not manage to find them all day.  On days like this shawn would bring me home a few bottles of very cheap wine ( Boones Farm) and take the kids on his famous nature walk and serve us all dinner of roman and peanut butter and jelly, taking the kids for early baths and extra books.  I miss him.  But he called today and sounded like he was in good spirits, my mom laughed with me and the kids had left over Chinese for dinner(which was a total treat for them.). I am lucky, blessed and loved and I am frustrated with myself.  I am being apathetic about nearly everything, praying, reading, school, cleaning, eating right or pushing myself at the gym.  The back of my mind is screaming at me to suck it up and do it all they way I know I should, but my heart is tired and my body is sore.  I truely wish I knew how to overcome myself.  Something every part of me can agree on and something I will never lose motivation for is making my kids smile.  I am clinging to that right now.  As much as they drive me crazy, when those little faces light up so do I.  That is what will get us all through this....giggles and smiles of two perfect little monkeys.