I have spent a lot of time during this deployment trying to figure out WHY. What could God want us to gain from all of this? I come up with reasons and usually reject them thinking "it is just not worth that" or "I am just stretching it" But one reason has come up time and time again that really seems to make sense...I needed to get closer to God before I could be away from my family. My brother, sister-in-law and mother have been spiritual guides and sounding boards for me and God wanted me to be stronger in my faith through them before I could be away.
I accept this reason.
But why did Shawn have to go to war to keep me here. Surely GOD could have found a better reason to keep us here. Well God is obviously smarter then I and has a plan for me, to better me and He has great things planned for me. It is hard to remind myself of that when I wake suddenly and expect to see my husband curled up next to me and he is not, or when I don't hear from him at all for days and my mind wonders as I am scared to answer the door.
But God truly knows more then me and I accept that as well.
With these two facts finally being accepted into my heart I am open for many more of Gods plans to start in my life. Today I am discovering that God is truly working his will to make me a better me. Through this deployment I am learning about myself, my family, my husband, my children and life. My priorities are shifting like I never thought they would and my heart is feeling at peace with things I never dreamed of. I feel as if I am a tree and I am watching and feeling my branches grow and change. It is surreal to be in the midst of a true metamorphosis. I accept my faults and my strengths and I am looking forward to knowing myself better and growing up to be the best Mom and wife that I can be, with God by my side anything is possible.
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