Baby Number 3

No this is not anannouncment that we are expecting. There is no way for us to add to our family in the next year, and if that announcement was on it's way, there would bemore then a little explaning to follow. No, this is a post about my very personal struggles and frustration. In the past 24 hours I been excited for two separate friends now expecting their third child about the time Shawn is due to come home. There is no blessing like that of a newborn child, of a life to make your own richer. But my husband is away, gone from my arms for the next 9 months and there is no chance I can begin to feel life growing in me again. Honestly we don't know if we want another child. Our resources fit perfectly to raise the two wonderful children we have, but we don't even have the option. Our youngest is offically two and learning to use the potty, our oldest will be in school this fall! And every day that passes I feel my days of motherhood slipping away. I know I will always be their Mom, but in less then 18 years they won't need me any more. Then what do I do with myself? I am a mom and I don't want to be anything else, ever! I think this is something that mamy moms, if not all, struggle with, but with my husband gone for this year I must face it now. I suppose the option for more children is open to us when Shawn returns, but there is so much that will need done and every day our children will be further apart in age. Maybe I am seeking to justify aching for the baby days of my children and wishing I could stretch them out and stop them from growing up, stop my husband from missing milestones. Stop this year from passing while we are apart, or making it pass faster, before we know it has even started. But it has and the days drag as my babies grow up too fast.