Graditute

Although I miss my husband and fear for his life, I must learn to be grateful for what I have, because really I have a lot. I started a small gradatude journal last month(which I have ignored recently) but the things I have to be grateful for are very big. Instead of living on the post my shawn is deployed out of, away from family support and virtually alone with two small children, i was able to move into my parents home! And they allowed us to make it our home as well! Each of the kids has their own room and their own stuff and i Get to make dinner each night and we all sit down and pray together. I feel as if I drop something, ever, and my parents catch it before it hits the ground. That is true support! That is true blessing! God made this family stronge enough by making it bigger! Our Lord gives energy and patience to Grams and Pops each day to deal with being co parents of toddlers again! In the years that my parents should be lounging on a beach and feeding cookies to their visiting grandchildren they are helping in the day to day lives of children whose father cannot. That is blessing and Gods hands in direct control!

 I am also grateful for my Shawn. Right now I can call him when I am on the edge of breaking down (i won't bevable to or much longer.) I try not to, he should not have to deal with me and my little issues while he is preparing to deal with issues i cannot even begin to understand. But I know that it is also important for him to understand I hurt for him and I need him. There is a thin line in showing him we are fine and he doesn't need to worry, and making sure he knows he is still needed as husband and father. This morning was one of those days when I was weak and he was strong. The Lord knows and gives strength to one to give to the other. It felt as if he held me through the phone receiver and helped me work through my growing bitterness at others blessings and our lack. He gently allowed me to be angry and helped my understand that I didn't need to be. We talked briefly of the days after he returns. Enough to look forward to without building anything up to let us down. Just to hear that familiar comforting tone in his voice was really enough, but his words are always perfect.

 This evening I pray with great thanks for the great strength the Lord has placed in those in my life. Strength to strength and we will survive. I look forward to the day we look back on this year and laugh.