Why it Matters

Memorial Day week end will always be rough for our family.  My cousin, Andrew was 21 years old.  He was active duty Air Force and had only been home 6 months from his first deployment.  He suffered from PTSD and took his own life.  Only one year has past, and it has gotten harder.

We miss Shawn very much, but he is there preventing and treating PTSD in our military serving in harms way.  He is there helping other families not go through what our family is going through.  Every day 18 veterans take their own life! That number is outrageous! 18 lives a day, 18 families, 18 futures, 18 heroes....every day! That is why Shawn does what he does, to lower that number.

48 Hours

Johnny is fast asleep, and for the second night in a row he is wearing his "Daddy shirt." This shirt is the grey child sized PT shirt he got in Texas when we visited Daddy. He just doesn't want to take the shirt off. He wore it yesterday, over his sleeper last night and to church today. Now he is sleeping in it again. It has been 48 hours since he has taken off his "Daddy shirt." I do not blame him one bit! And will let him wear it with his "Daddy shorts" as long as he wants.....until maybe they start to smell funny.

Hoarding Daddy

We love our Daddy so much that we want to hoard him away and not let anyone else get any time with him! But we also know that our Daddy is doing something so important in Afghanistan.  He is helping other soldiers deal with the emotional and mental damage of war.  So we will lend our Daddy to those needy soldiers for a little while.  But you know that we want him back!! ASAP

Here is a rather graining picture, shot with my cell phone, of Lily talking to her Daddy via Skype.  She grabbed the IPad out of my hands and was yelling "MY DADDY MY DADDY MY DADDY" not letting anyone else talk to him.  She just waned to see him face and giggle at him, then give him lots of kisses.  That is HER Daddy! And don't you forget it!

This is what it mean....

....to be a family separated by half the world. It is Saturday, a long week end for Memorial Day, the kids are playing in the sand box and I am in the hammock enjoying the beautiful weather, but Daddy is sitting alone in a room after a very long day at work trying to get his Internet working so we can just hear his voice. I am glad and relieved for his safe assignment, but we still wish we could be together just for moments like this. All seems right with the world, but there is still an empty seat next to me.

The Relief of a Phone Call

He finally called!!And that means prayers get answered.  His voice is so soothing now.  Just the way he says "Hey" and not hello or hi.  And the way he NEVER hangs up without saying "I love you." He had little to tell me, because of OPSEC.  But he is still in transit, not settled at his "home FOB" yet.  Right now he is still waiting in long lines to get 15 free minutes of phone time.  But once he finally gets where he is going we will be able to hear from him more. 

He wanted to know just generally what was going on. I told him some funny stories of things the kids did and about my allergy and ENT appointment.  I was so giddy to hear from him that I giggled and smiled ear to ear.  At one point he said "You sure do sound happy to hear from me."  It really made him happy to hear me happy and that is one of best things I can do for him.  Just be happy and handle life here, hold it together for him and those phone calls get me through.  He promised to call tomorrow!

Lord, father give me strength to be his home and his happiness.  Lord give him strength to get through this and bless him with safety.  Keep our children busy and happy and remind them of the love their Daddy has for them.  Thank you Lord, for it is only your doing, for getting him to Afghanistan safely and allowing us to talk to each other at all during this separation.

Over There

He left, really left. Up until now he has still been in the states, still just a phone call away. Now he is gone, where I cannot reach, I can only wait. I have spent my life waiting for him. I got a call from him at 2:30 am, we only had 10 minutes. He did not sound bad, tired, but focused. I miss him so much, everyday I pray that the Lord makes this easy on him and the kids. I know we have to do this, but I don't want to. I wonder and pray a lot why? What is God's purpose in all of this? What does he want us to get out of all of this? Patience? Money? Closer? Closer to Him? I am trying. Hiding myself in His word, in speaking to Him. But my soul still aches for my husband, why?

Daniel Fast

I have been considering what it is to pray, what it is means to ask God for something so big as keeping a man safe at war.  If God has decided it is Shawn's time, then what can I do ask God to change his mind? We pray so God knows our desires, our free will to ask him to help us in our lives.  I want my Lord to really know how much I want my husband home and safe as soon as possible.  I also want to see God's purpose in this deployment, in my life, and to bring me closer to Him.  So I have given up food in a pleasurable way.  I am fasting.  It is called the Daniel Fast, taken from the Bible, the book of Daniel.

 The fast is taken from different parts of the book at different times.  Only drinking water, only eating fresh foods from the earth (fruits and veggies) nuts and whole grains.  It is a very healthy and cleansing way to live.  Once you get past the cravings for sugar and caffeine you gain a very light feeling and everything you eat feels holy and blessed.  I am not eating to cure the depression of loneliness, I am eating to tell God I am dedicated to Him and bringing Shawn home.

I am not alone, I never am.  My mother is fasting with me! She is praying with me and she feels how hard this separation is for all us and it makes her sad too.  So she makes it easier on my by eating what I eat and not eating the things I wish I was :) Thank you Mommy, you make my life so much easier then I ever thought it would be.

The Unit

Our unit!!! I know they all look the same, but you can find SGT Branson in the middle of the back row.  That is the squad he is in charge of.

They ship out today.

Predeployment Visit

 We survived and loved it!! It was just the best 4 days I have ever had.  It all felt so light and free and wonderful.  Coming home was hard, just prayed that we wouldn't have to, that word would come down and keep us all together.  But coming home to our family was reassuring.  The kids were so happy to have seen Daddy and so happy to come home to Grams and Pops (I don't know what we would do without them) that it never occurred to them to be sad.  In fact I feel better being home then I did before we left, the kids are behaving better.  This week end was exactly what we all needed and it prepared us, gave us strength.

We stayed at the guest house on post, it was a very nice and cheap hotel.  The kids LOVED the pool and the playground!

Shawn has always been an out doors kind of person, he has been excited to share that with his kids since we knew we were pregnant with Johnny.  He finally got to "hike" with them, and answered all of Johnny's questions, a day none of us will ever forget.

Most of our time was spent just being together.  We watched the Muppet movie twice, played games, read books, and did puzzles.  That was all we wanted...time together.

I have a new appreciation for our situation.  We are not alone! This huge post was busting with families just like us going through exactly what we are going through! We are an Army family and that is something to be proud of! I pray our little Army Brats understand and hold dear what Daddy is doing for our country and the world.  We are proud to be separated again.

Trusting God, for only he knows

My Mother shared this with me today, it is hard to swallow, but you must try sometimes




> Subject: Trust God
> Me: Promise You won't get mad
> God: I promise
> Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
> God: What do you mean?
> Me: Well, I woke up late
> God: Yes
> Me: My car took forever to start
> God: Okay
> Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
> God: Huummm ...
> Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
> God: All right
> Me: And to top it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
> God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.
> Me: (humbled): OH
> GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
> Me: (ashamed)
> God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
> Me: (embarrassed):Okay
> God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
> Me: (softly): I see God
> God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
> Me: I'm Sorry God
> God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.
> Me: I will trust You.
> God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.
> Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.
> God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

These Moments

Tonight I pray a prayer that we won't lose these moments.  That time does not flow so fast that we lose sight of right now.  That these happy memories we make as a 4 some do not get over taken by the loneliness that is sure to come when we separate again.  Lord of Heaven and Earth, I know you know what is best, I am trying to trust you. I can never share the full extent of my gratefulness for this week end of happy family time and I pray that these moments sustain us all for the months that come.  Help me not to dwell on the ache, but look to you and let you bring me back here, to this moment, to this week end of moments.