Keeping him Alive

He got some new gear today. He was excited. Should I be too?

Confidence in his Voice

There is confidence in his voice tonight. It soothed me, but scared me. He always does better at his job on deployments then he does at a clinic here in the states. His job just isn't as fulfilling or important here once he has helped solider over there. Confidence in his voice because he knows he is awesome and will thrive.

But confidence only goes so far, when you can only hear your children giggle and cannot hold them or rock them to sleep. When they are more then 30 hours of driving away and soon they will be across the world. He is a strong man, the strongest I know, but I can hear it in his voice, he misses his children and he tucks that pain far under so he cannot feel it right now, because feeling too much of anything right now would make these future months unbearable. He must survive and he knows well how to. I love him for that.

The kids got to Skype with him tonight. Seeing his face and hearing his voice. It took Lily a minute to understand what was going on and that that was really Daddy. But once she got it she was sweet and excited. She touched his face and gave him kisses, then she hugged the Ipad! Before the call was over she had gotten a picture she had colored today from the other side of the room and showed it to Daddy. She knew it was him and my heart soared that she understood and finally connected to her Daddy!!! Johnny was jealous and just wanted Daddy all to himself and show him funny faces and giggle constantly.

We miss him, but we have put his life into Gods hands and trusting that our family will be complete one day. God is good, ALL THE TIME!! Even when families are separated by war. God is there working in only the way he can see and all we can do is prayer and show him our hearts.

Communication

The Start

How do you ask God to keep your husband safe? What can you do? What can you pray or give to GOD so that this day won't be his last?

I have sent my Army husband on two deployments in the 7 years we have been together. During the first he suffered more then we could have imagined. He still does not like to talk about it, but death surrounded him. I was just a 20 year old bride with my entire life in front of me, what could I know of the risk he endured or the stress it placed on him? When he was deployed again just 17 months after returning the first time, he left a 8 week pregnant wife to live with her parents and birth his son, John, while he defended justice half way across the world. My Army husband missed everything of that pregnancy but was able to hear the birth thanks to cell phones and very involved family.

We had 4 years. 4 years to live life like any other family. Day to day enjoying each other. We even had another baby! Our daughter, Lily is so much like her Daddy I can see her future following his in nearly every way. But our normal life is gone as the Army snaps their fingers. We had orders in hand and had made preparations to move to Georgia when the call came in that we were being rerouted to Texas and just 6 weeks after reporting that dreaded third deployment would be happening, and there was nothing honorable we could do about it. So after a few tears we buckled down and prepared.

Now here we are. Daddy got to be here for John's 4th birthday March 17th and he got to teach 21 month old Lily to say "I love you." Me and the kids are settled in very nicely with Grams and Pops (my parents) and my Army husband is in Texas doing whatever the Army wants him to do to prepared him for this work in a desert country.

And I sit here with a Bible in one hand and a child on each hip wondering what am I to do? I have never before been scared of losing him, this is the father of my children! Children who don't really understand where Daddy has gone or when he will be back. What do I do? How can I keep him safe? How can I make sure he comes home to us and we can have our normal life back? I can do nothing! This is in God's hands. I must give the life of my best friend, love and life companion away to God and trust that He will bring him home. And what f he doesn't? What if it is his time to go and God is preparing me and calling my husband home? How do you beg GOD to let you keep your family whole?

You pray and you pray a lot! And so the start, praying from the deepest parts of me and never stopping!