40 Minutes and Music

We spent 40 minutes on the phone today.  WE LAUGHED!!! It was wonderful.  I felt like we really connected.  Oh how I miss him, but right now I feel closer to him!!

He also sent me some songs that made him think of me.  He likes to emotionally hold himself back while down range so this is a little bit of a stretch for him.  But the songs told me that he missed me, cared for me, loved me, treasured me and that "no matter what the future holds" he will be there.  I already knew that, but I love knowing he is thinking of me out there.

I just miss him

I think I might have this under controll, I am not perfect, but with the help of my wonderful family and God I feel confident that I can handle this deployment.  But right now my heart just aches for my husband.  This weekend in DC I saw a father lifting up a small girl so she could see better.   I could not keep back my tears.  Every time I blinked I saw Shawn and Lily.  I just miss him.

Twelve

That is how long our phone conversation was today.  Twelve minutes that we shared today quietly talking about Lily throwing up and Johnny not taking a nap.  I got married to share my life with my husband, not twelve minutes.  Today I am praying for perspective, I know we are lucky.  Lucky to have found each other and fallen in love, lucky that he has come home from two deployments and each day he is safe is a gift, lucky that we have any time to talk and lucky that we know when he is coming home.  We are lucky, and blessed and life is good, but my heart breaks every time I hit the red button to end the connection and prepare to live separate lives again.

Busy Week

Shawn has been very busy down range this week.  We have not gotten to talk much and he cannot tell me why he is busy or what he is doing or much of anything.  He usually calls every day from Skype over free Internet, and we talk for 20 to 30 minutes, nothing big, just catch up, assuring eachother we are okay and loving and then let the kids giggle for him.  But this week he has only been able to call 3 times and each call is less then 5 minutes, he is tired, head aches and working really late and must be ready early in the morning.  I fear he has avoided calling or talking to me because he doesn't want to tell me what is going on, he has never liked to share his over seas experiences with me.  I miss him so much right now.  I am scared, but I have to know that God will bring him home to me.  This is just another day over, another week closer to being together again.  The longer we are apart and the more weeks like this the luckier I feel to be his wife.  He has loved me for 10 years and seen the worst of me he loves me more and more. I feel truely treasured by him every day as he sees me and helps me see myself as well, better then any one else.  Of course we have had our problems, but they have only ever made us stronger together.  He balances me utterly and I imagine how lucky my children are to have him as a father.  Please Lord keep him safe and bring him home.

Sentimental

Shawn says I am sentimental....he is right.  But so is our son.  John LOVES anything that even resembles any kind of camouflage, he calls it "Daddy cloths" or "Daddy blanket" or "Daddy..." you get the point.  So today we made this shirt together on my friends embroidery machine.  I think it turned out great and Johnny can't wait to wear it to school later this month.

Trusting the Lord....

                                

....it is not easy, but I am trynig, becuase I know the path the Lord wants me to be on will only lead me to Joy and Love, for He loves me and we have joy in Him.

Praying

We pray at meals and before bed, we thank God for the blessing of "daily bread" and ask that He keep Daddy safe and bring him home soon.  We must be teaching Johnny something right, since after church he went running in this field as usual and stopped to lean on this cross for about 5 minutes!! He said he was praying, I am not sure what he said to God, but I was glad he knew he could and how to.

Praying is not always easy for me.  I feel strange, talking to myself, asking for things.  I try to just talk to God in my head all day long.  "Thank you Lord for keeping Shawn safe to call me for another day" "Oh God please help me finish this run" "God you know I love them, but these children are driving me crazy, can you do something about that PLEASE?" :) Most of the time I just cat with God like I would chat with my mom.  But I often loose my trust and ask "If God knows what is going to happen and has a plan, why do I need to pray, does it do any good?" I must remind myself that it does make a difference.  That our Heavenly Father gave us free will and the ability to make our way,  though making our way in His path ensure happiness and eternal life with God.  It may still not make perfect sense, but my heart tells me it is right. God wants to know what we want, what we find important and what we desire for our life.  So please, if you are reading this bow your head and say this prayer for us, so God knows what we want for our future and our family.

Heavenly and awesome Father, thank you for this day, thank you for breath in my lungs and food on my plate.  Lord, I ask you to watch over Shawn in Afghanistan, it is not easy to help those who lose their way, and fight to keep your own as well, keep peace in his mind and work  his heart.  Lord keep Shawn safe and bring him home to his family soon. Ease all of their hearts and minds and stay with them showing them your path and your plan.  Be especially with his children, John and Lily, as they miss Daddy with all of there little hearts Lord, help them understand Daddy's adventure and know he will come home to them as soon as he can.  Lord you guide my days and nights and I pray you bless all service men and women and their families, in harms way and at home.  Thank you for giving us people like this to keep us safe. In Jesus name I pray with gratefulness and love. Amen