Busy Week

Shawn has been very busy down range this week.  We have not gotten to talk much and he cannot tell me why he is busy or what he is doing or much of anything.  He usually calls every day from Skype over free Internet, and we talk for 20 to 30 minutes, nothing big, just catch up, assuring eachother we are okay and loving and then let the kids giggle for him.  But this week he has only been able to call 3 times and each call is less then 5 minutes, he is tired, head aches and working really late and must be ready early in the morning.  I fear he has avoided calling or talking to me because he doesn't want to tell me what is going on, he has never liked to share his over seas experiences with me.  I miss him so much right now.  I am scared, but I have to know that God will bring him home to me.  This is just another day over, another week closer to being together again.  The longer we are apart and the more weeks like this the luckier I feel to be his wife.  He has loved me for 10 years and seen the worst of me he loves me more and more. I feel truely treasured by him every day as he sees me and helps me see myself as well, better then any one else.  Of course we have had our problems, but they have only ever made us stronger together.  He balances me utterly and I imagine how lucky my children are to have him as a father.  Please Lord keep him safe and bring him home.

Sentimental

Shawn says I am sentimental....he is right.  But so is our son.  John LOVES anything that even resembles any kind of camouflage, he calls it "Daddy cloths" or "Daddy blanket" or "Daddy..." you get the point.  So today we made this shirt together on my friends embroidery machine.  I think it turned out great and Johnny can't wait to wear it to school later this month.

Trusting the Lord....

                                

....it is not easy, but I am trynig, becuase I know the path the Lord wants me to be on will only lead me to Joy and Love, for He loves me and we have joy in Him.

Praying

We pray at meals and before bed, we thank God for the blessing of "daily bread" and ask that He keep Daddy safe and bring him home soon.  We must be teaching Johnny something right, since after church he went running in this field as usual and stopped to lean on this cross for about 5 minutes!! He said he was praying, I am not sure what he said to God, but I was glad he knew he could and how to.

Praying is not always easy for me.  I feel strange, talking to myself, asking for things.  I try to just talk to God in my head all day long.  "Thank you Lord for keeping Shawn safe to call me for another day" "Oh God please help me finish this run" "God you know I love them, but these children are driving me crazy, can you do something about that PLEASE?" :) Most of the time I just cat with God like I would chat with my mom.  But I often loose my trust and ask "If God knows what is going to happen and has a plan, why do I need to pray, does it do any good?" I must remind myself that it does make a difference.  That our Heavenly Father gave us free will and the ability to make our way,  though making our way in His path ensure happiness and eternal life with God.  It may still not make perfect sense, but my heart tells me it is right. God wants to know what we want, what we find important and what we desire for our life.  So please, if you are reading this bow your head and say this prayer for us, so God knows what we want for our future and our family.

Heavenly and awesome Father, thank you for this day, thank you for breath in my lungs and food on my plate.  Lord, I ask you to watch over Shawn in Afghanistan, it is not easy to help those who lose their way, and fight to keep your own as well, keep peace in his mind and work  his heart.  Lord keep Shawn safe and bring him home to his family soon. Ease all of their hearts and minds and stay with them showing them your path and your plan.  Be especially with his children, John and Lily, as they miss Daddy with all of there little hearts Lord, help them understand Daddy's adventure and know he will come home to them as soon as he can.  Lord you guide my days and nights and I pray you bless all service men and women and their families, in harms way and at home.  Thank you for giving us people like this to keep us safe. In Jesus name I pray with gratefulness and love. Amen

Slow and Busy

I posted on our units group page last week that I feel like the months are moving along far too slowly.  We are two months in and have 7 left.  Many other wives responded that they could not believe that two months had already past, that they were so busy it felt like time was flying by.

I feel like we are busy people.  With young children we don't have ballet, or soccer or anything like that, it is summer and sometimes the amount of children in and out of the house is up to 9! We are out and about and visiting and playing and swimming every day.  But still each day feels as long as a year, like imaging Shawn's homecoming, is like thinking of a different life time.

I have also been pulling myself together, trying to put my focus back on God and appreciate the insane amount of blessings I have in my life, knowing this one minor hardship is in God's plan and that 9 months is NOT a life time!! I am not alone and I am not lost.

A Lesson About our Nature

I have learned a lot in the past few months.  I am beginning to feel as if God wanted me apart from Shawn and here in Maryland so I would learn about myself, about life, about my kids and about Him.  God does not disappoint at all! Since Shawn has been apart from me God has been teaching me lessons left and right.  I feel as if I have grown so much and discovered.

A lesson very vital to my spiritually has to do with original sin.  It has always been a struggle for me to imagine that my children were born "dirty" already sinful and tainted.  Why did we need Jesus to come and die for us? Maybe my pride was just too large, but I could not imagine NEEDING Jesus to FIX me or that anyone I loved was not already perfect. In the ups and downs of deployment (excitement over thinking about homecoming and getting phone calls and the sadness of loneliness) has shown me the nature of my heart.

The nature of my heart, the nature of all human hearts, is to turn away from God, turn towards sin.  When things get bad I would drink a few beers, watch Futurama or attempt to ignore the entire world and mope around.  When I do not like the path God has put before me I ignore God, I decide I know better and fight for what I want.  How could I know better then God, who sees all and knows all and loves me wanting only the best for me? Really? When I am enjoying the path God puts before me, I pray and read His word and listen to His music and I feel amazing! That joy deep in my heart of following His way and listening to Him is a joy I never want to leave me and I am the only one who has control over that.  God gives his love freely  and has a plan for me.  I have to open my heart and fight against my nature to let God into my heart.  Every day is a battle, but everyday brings me closer to Him, and that is where I want to be!

Ups and Downs

I have found it difficult to post much. Shawn has been gone for two months and I can't believe we have seven left, it feels like a life time! I have been so up and down with my emotions and reactions i am not sure which way I am headed very often. I have grown a lot and gained a lot of perspective, understanding and had massive realizations about myself and life and I am grateful that God put me in this situation so I could grow so much, but on the other hand there is an overwhelming aching in my heart for my husband, my best friend. Every time I look at our children I feel like a vital peice is just missing. This is not easy and I wish it wasn't happening, I wish Shawn was home!